If your reading this
by lizzieten
Summary: Sam left for Stanford or so Dean and John thought. Limp Sam
1. Chapter 1

If you're reading this

**I know have several other stories I should be updating right now. But the plot for this one hasn't left me alone since Memorial Day, so I Figure better to get it written so it doesn't continue to haunt me. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading. **

**Liz**

"I'm an American Soldier, an American

Beside my brother's and my sister's

I will proudly take a stand

When liberty's in jeopardy

I will always do what's right

I'm out here on the frontlines

So sleep in peace tonight"

American Soldier

Toby Keith-

American Soldier

Chapter one:

Sam sighed harshly as he stormed around the small, nearly bare room, gathering what little belonged to him and cramming it into his bag. His Dad would give him the ultimatum, leave and stay gone or stay and remain part of the family. What his Dad didn't seem to understand was that Sam didn't like hunting and didn't want to spend the rest of his life doing it. Stopping at his dresser, Sam reached out and picked up the lone picture frame that stood, giving a little life to the bareness around it.

As Sam stared at the beautiful blonde woman in the frame, he wished with all his heart, the yellow eyed demon had never came after his family. _Maybe if you had never been born none of this would have happened and your mother would still be alive. _ Sam thought _if it hadn't been for me then she would still be here and Dad and Dean would both be happy and not working on prison time for credit card fraud. _Shaking his head as if to clear his thoughts, Sam placed the picture in his bag, zipping it, he placed it on his bed. Grabbing the jacket he had flung on the bed earlier that morning, he slipped it onto his shoulders. Heaving one another sigh, Sam glanced around him. The sparse room was once again empty, no sign of Sam's existence remained anywhere in the room.

Sam grabbed his bag then headed towards the door. He was finished here, and there was no longer any reason to stay. His dad didn't want him, and Dean was too angry at him to even speak to him. Sam wished things didn't have to end this way; but as it was; it was the only way Sam would get to have a life of his own. From here on out however, Sam would have a lifetime of loneliness to think about the actions he took to have his own life.

He left the bedroom and walked down the short hallway, towards the living room. Passing the kitchen he saw his father and brother sitting at the kitchen table looking over the latest hunt information.

"I'm leaving now," Sam called softly knowing very well they had heard him. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry it has to be this way, but I have to find out who I am on my own." When nothing but silence resounded, a broken hearted Sam continued out the door.

He had gotten a scholarship to Stanford University and Sam had wanted to accept it, knowing his family wouldn't be very happy with him. He was headed towards a better future but it didn't help his aching heart in any way. Sam walked down the lonely tree shaded path they called a driveway. He knew he wouldn't be counting on a ride from Dean or John.

"How did we end up like this?" Sam wondered out loud. At one time the Winchester family had been close, but hunting had destroyed that, for Sam at least. He loved his family dearly but it was time he lived his own life the way he wanted to.

Ten minutes later Sam, reached the road, feeling broken, he headed towards the small town that was located nearby. John and Dean were on yet another hunt for a very unfriendly poltergeist. It was in the middle of researching this hunt that Sam had told his family about the scholarship. Sam sighed dwelling on the problem was certainly not the solution to the situation.

Sam managed to hitch a ride to the town's local bus station where he promptly bought a ticket for California with the money he'd had stashed for special occasions. While he was waiting for the bus, he spotted a pay phone near to where he was sitting. He wondered briefly if he should try and call his family; then again there really wasn't any use in rubbing salt in an open wound.

Twenty minutes later having decided not to call, Sam boarded a bus to California. Without looking out the window Sam, walked back to the back of the bus and grabbed a window seat. What Sam didn't see when he looked out the window was the sleek black Chevy Impala that was waiting outside the bus terminal.

Sam sighed and rested his head back against the headrest, if he wasn't a Winchester, he would have no idea how he would survive without his family, as it was, he knew he could survive it would be tough for a while but he would do what was necessary.

Two days later Sam's bus stopped at the Stanford bus terminal, where he promptly hailed a cab, and was had them take him directly to the local Navy recruiter's office. Upon stepping inside the stone building he walked up to the desk out front.

"May I help you?" the man behind the desk asked.

"I want to join the SEALS" Sam replied.

**So this story has been playing around in my mind since Memorial day, please give this story a chance I know exactly where I want to go with it. Thanks for reading and taking the time to review. Liz**


	2. Chapter 2

If you're reading this

Chapter two:

"Sink or Swim

Live or Die

Saving grace and a blue sky

All alone and unafraid

It's never just another day

And you don't back down or walk away

I know, I do, I am what it takes"

What it takes-

Montgomery- Gentry

Sam Winchester signed the papers that enlisted him in the U.S. Navy.

"Every man has the opportunity to try out for the Seals, but not everyone makes it." Captain Morgan said as he watched the young man in front of him sign his life away. "It's a hard road to get there but if you make it, you'll have a career you'll never be able to talk about, but you will be proud none the less."

"That's why I'm doing this" Sam said quietly "I want to be able to serve my country to the best of my ability, and this is the only way I could think of."

"Why aren't you going to college first, the Navy will be waiting when you got out?" Captain Morgan asked curious as to why an obviously smart young man would want to jump straight into the military service.

"It's complicated" Sam said "and right now the military is the best option I have. There's time for college when I'm finished."

"If you make it out, there's a good chance you will die for your country on some no name mission." Morgan said.

"Then I'm prepared to make that sacrifice." Sam said finishing the paperwork. "I'll give everything I have to do a damn good job." There was something in the young man's voice that made Morgan believe every word he had said. Morgan wondered who it was this kid was running from.

"You're not in trouble with the law are you?" Morgan asked voicing his thoughts out loud. Sam snorted.

"Of course not" He replied "I've never exactly been in trouble with the law and I never plan too either."

"Well then you should be good to go, just got to get you an appointment with the doctor to have a physical and see if you're in any kind of condition to go out for the military."

After Sam left the recruiters office, Sam decided it would be time to rest after his long trip and headed off in search of a hotel. After hailing a cab to take him to the nearest not to mention cheapest hotel, Sam relaxed in the car, taking in the sight of the tall palms trees, and the view of the ocean that seemed to stretch on forever. _Dean would love it here, with his laid back attitude _Sam thought _he would fit right in without missing a step. _As thoughts of his family drifted through his mind, Sam wondered if he should give them a call and let them know that he had reached California all right. Would they care at all? He could only hope.

Fifteen minutes later Sam found himself in front of a rather dilapidated building, which probably should have been torn down instead of being as a hotel. He sighed looked like crappy hotels existed everywhere. Though this one seemed even crappier than the ones he had stayed in recently.  
"Made my bed, now I got to lie in it" Sam muttered as he stepped into the office. Taking a look around Sam saw peeling paint on the walls and the carpet looked as if it had seen better days. He noticed as well, the wooden welcome desk looked like it had, had a fight with termites and lost. Shaking his head, Sam walked over and rang the bell.

"Can I help you?" a beautiful blonde girl, who looked to be about his age.

"I need a room for the next couple of weeks" Sam replied, hoping with some luck by then, Sam wouldn't even be in town.

"You really want to stay here?" she asked disbelieving, why anyone would want to stay in a rundown dump.

"Need a place to stay until I ship out" Sam shrugged.

"Ship out? Are you in the military or something?" she asked, curious about the man before her.

"Hoping to be, I have to get a physical first" Sam replied "and I would rather not sleep on the streets"

"You have to be nine kinds of crazy to stay here" she muttered "but here you go" she handed Sam the key to room number twenty four, after he had handed her the money for the two weeks.

"This place can't be that bad" Sam said as he made a half way turn towards the door. The desk clerk snorted.

"You have never stayed here before, if I didn't know any better I'd swear it was haunted." Sam paused for a moment, and nearly sighed out loud. Clearly the hunting life did not want to leave him alone. Not knowing what to say, Sam grabbed his duffle bag and headed out the door. He really didn't want to get involved in hunting again, but if whatever was here, bothered the clerk that much. Sam would make sure to put an end to it.

Upon entering his room, he noticed it was just as dull and lifeless as the front office, for a moment he wondered if he was crazy for staying there. Sighing, he tossed his bag on the bed, and went and retrieved his laptop. Setting it up, he waited for it to power up to see if it had wireless internet. Surprisingly it did, but was password protected. Huffing out a breath, Sam reached over and picked up the phone, he was about to dial the office when he noticed the phone didn't even have a dial tone.

"That's just wonderful" Sam muttered "internet that I can't use and a phone that doesn't work, this place really does suck." Standing up, Sam grabbed his key and headed out the door. He was starting to feel a bit irate, he'd never had so much trouble out any hotel before now, of course, it was usually Dean or John who had to deal with the getting settled. Once more he entered the office and went to ring the bell for service when the lights started flickering.

"What are the chances of having bad electricity or actually having a demon here?" Sam wondered out loud.

**So not too much action just yet, I promise it's coming, he'll go for his physical and I can't give anything past that, cause it'll give the story away, but please be patient lots of action I promise. Anyone care to take a guess who the blonde it? anyways thanks for reading and reviewing Liz**


	3. Chapter 3

If you're reading this

Chapter three:

"I want to do something that matters

Say something different

Something that sets the whole world on its ear

I want to do something better with the time I've been given

I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life

Leaving nothing less than something that says I was here"

Lady Antebellum- I was here

The desk clerk walked in and seen the puzzled look on Sam's face.

"We have faulty wiring, which needs to get fixed" she said.

"Are you sure that's what's really going on?" Sam asked doubting she really knew what it was.

"If you're meaning a ghost or something, I seriously doubt it" the blonde girl laughed "there's no such thing as ghosts." Sam snorted. _What you don't know can kill you _he thought.

"I need the password for the wireless" he said if she wanted to be an ostrich, let her bury her head in the sand, didn't make any difference to him.

She told him and Sam turned and walked out the office, he wasn't in any hurry to spend any more time than necessary in there. He still wondered about the history of the place, because surely, once upon a time it would have been a rather nice place to stay. So who was it that was causing trouble now? The former owner maybe? What could possibly be the reason? Besides obviously wanting the place to go out of business Sam was determined to find out once he got back to his room. It would give him something to do while waiting to get his physical and get the heck out of dodge.

Walking into his room, he shut the door behind him and replaced the salt he had disturbed. He headed over to his laptop, he supposed he should probably give his dad and Dean a call and inform them of what was going on. But at this point he didn't think either would even answer if they knew it was him calling.

Sitting down at the wobbling table that set beside a rather dirty looking bed; Sam logged back onto his laptop. He typed in Bates Motel and the address he was at into the search engine. The results he received were kind of shocking, but not all that surprising. The original owner had been found murdered in the office. Clicking on an image, Sam enlarged the picture of the man and his daughter, which turned out to his surprise, to be the current desk clerk, Jessica Moore.

Sighing, Sam sat back in his chair; it certainly looked like a vengeful spirit material. He just wondered what it was that was keeping the spirit around. It could be anything at this point, looks like he would have to talk to Jessica again. Not that, that was a bad thing, she was very attractive. But now was not the time to be attracted to anyone, not when it looked like he would be shipping off soon. Sam wondered briefly how to best deal with this current situation since he didn't have much time.

"Well at least it was easy to figure out who's haunting the place" Sam muttered as shut his laptop and stood and headed for the restroom. Time for a nice warm shower to ease his aching muscles, and then Sam might attempt to sleep in the so called bed. Entering the bathroom, he headed straight for the shower, he turned the knobs as hot as it would go and while he was waiting for it to warm up, and he undressed. When he finally stepped under the stream, he nearly hopped right back out. The water was ice cold. Figuring he had done something wrong, Sam tried the other knob but the water never got any warmer and Sam was forced to take a hurried shower.

"Naturally nothing around here works" Sam grumbled as he toweled off and got dressed and left the restroom. He was starting to feel a bit irritated. Nothing was going his way, lately and he hoped it wasn't a sign of things to come. Lying down on the bed, he took immediate notice that the mattress was hard as a rock and it didn't look like the sheets were even clean.

"I'm in the motel from hell" Sam muttered wishing he had taken the girls warning and gone somewhere else. He was sure he had never stayed in a place this bad, in all the history he'd been staying in rat dumps.

"Tomorrow I'm taking care of that stupid ghost then I'm getting out of here." Sam muttered as he closed his eyes and attempted to go to sleep.

The next night he waited until Jessica left, and then he broke into the office to look for something that was tying the ghost to the motel. It didn't take him long, the dark hair just under the office desk. Hoping he had the right one but from what he had seen in the picture online, her father had been dark haired so he was nearly one hundred percent it was his current ghosts. He took out his lighter and watched it go up in flames. After that the quiet placed seemed even quieter so Sam figured the problem had been taken care of and headed back to his room.

Once again he barely got any sleep and by the time he had arrived at the doctor's office where he was to have his physical, he looked like a raccoon with dark shadows under his eyes. He filled his paperwork out quietly and waited for his turn. When the time came after what seemed like years. Sam headed back into a room and the doctor took one look at his face and laughed out loud.

"I haven't been getting much sleep lately" Sam muttered defending himself. "I've been staying at the motel from hell."

"Bates Motel?" the doctor asked as he was taking Sam's pulse, and respiration.

"How'd you ever guess?" Sam asked dryly.

"You're not the first patient I've seen who has stayed there. It's a shame it used to be a wonderful place to stay until the owner died and his daughter took over."

"She seems nice to me" Sam commented.

"She truly is" the doctor agreed, now checking his reflexes "but she's putting her money into getting an education and at the same time trying to run that place. She should give it up."

"I agree it should be burned to the ground" Sam said "education is more important, than keeping that dump running."

Twenty minutes later the doctor announced Sam was in perfect physical shape and could continue on with his military aspirations.

As soon as Sam finished he went back to the Navy recruiters office to turn his physical in and to finish up some more paperwork.

"We can have you on a bus to boot camp tonight" Captain Morgan said "that too soon for you."

"No sir, if you ask me it's not soon enough" Sam commented and Morgan laughed.

"Had enough of hell motel have you?" he asked and Sam nodded.

Fifteen minutes later Sam was back at the motel packing his bags. He boxed his laptop and after checking out Sam went to the post office and had it shipped to Bobby Singers. A few hours later Sam was back on a bus headed towards Chicago Illinois. Sighing Sam, closed his eyes and went to sleep, and nearly slept the whole way to the boot camp.

Two days later Sam's bus arrived at the U.S. Navy training camp and as he got off the bus and lined up to get his belongings was greeted with the phrase.

"Welcome to Hell."

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter, it feels a tad rushed but I wanted to get it posted as soon as I could, Can't promise fast updates all the time but I shall try. Anyways thanks for reading and reviewing and I don't think I need to remind you I'm not an expert on Military procedure what I know I have gleaned from books anyways thanks for reading. Liz**


	4. Chapter 4

If you're reading this

Chapter four:

"When you're hands worn down to the bone

And you're not sure you can stand on your own

And the darkness won't leave you alone

Well, I will guide you home."

Sugarland- Guide you home

"Welcome to Hell" the Drill Sargent Alfred Hayes proclaimed as the future sailors trailed off the bus. He eyed them each slowly as if judging them on the spot as to whether or not they were good enough to join the ranks of sailors. He waited for them to gather their bags.

"You have five minutes to get your stuff put away and then return to the exercise area." D.S. Hayes yelled. He wouldn't go easy on this group of boys; they would have to prove they were good enough to be here.

Sam sighed and stared at the short, dark haired man that stood before him. If this was who he had to put up with for the entire eight weeks he was here. He had a feeling; he would make it through just fine. He followed the one hundred and sixty other recruits to the forlorn looking white building, called the barracks which would be his home for the next eight weeks.

Once inside Sam barely took a look around at the bare surroundings. In his room there twelve bunk beds, with twenty four lockers lining up against the wall, their numbers matching with the number on each of the beds.

Sam quickly walked over to a bottom bunk and flung his bag onto it, then headed back out towards the Physical Training area. He lined up at the end of a row, with his posture straight as a board. He didn't have to wait long for Drill Sargent Hayes to come along.

"Drop and give me twenty" he shouts as he made his way over to the group of boys. They instantly dropped low on their hands and toes.

"One" Shouts Hayes as the boys start doing their pushups. By the time Sam reached twenty and was finally able to go into the lean and rest position, which is much like the push up's Sam, had broken out into a light sweat.

"That was not impressive" Hayes called out "give me twenty more." A few of the boys groaned but they immediately pushed down and back up. They ended up repeating two more sets of twenty before D.S. Hayes was satisfied that they had done enough.

"Pop tall" Hayes ordered the boys who were in the lean and rest position. One hundred and sixty boys immediately hopped to their feet and stood at attention.

"For those who think these next eight weeks are going to be a piece of cake, I would advise you to quit now." Hayes went silent for a few minutes to see if any of the boys would walk away. No one did, yet.

"These next weeks are going to be the worst hell you have ever faced" Hayes said, and Sam felt like rolling his eyes, he had the feeling that would get him in trouble so he restrained himself. He seriously doubted that this would be the worst hell he had ever faced. Obviously the Drill Sargent Hayes had no idea, what kind of evil things were out there, he wasn't just talking about people either. Briefly Sam imagined the look on Hayes' face, if the man ever saw a ghost. Sam nearly laughed out loud.

"Something funny, Winchester?" Hayes came to stand in front of Sam.

"No, sir" Sam replied struggling not to laugh in the guy's face.

"Drop and give me twenty" Hayes ordered, and Sam silently sighed obviously pushups were going to punishment through the next eight weeks. At least Sam was in pretty decent shape, another twenty pushups weren't going to hurt him any. Managing not to smirk, Sam dropped back down into the lean and rest, and then he started counting out loud as he completed each push up.

"Pop tall Winchester" Hayes ordered as Sam finished his pushups. Sam returned to attention. Sam had a feeling this guy was going to be just like his father, on his ass all the time. Sam could deal with it, he'd have to, and there was no way Sam was returning to the hunting life. Sam wondered briefly what Dean would think about what he was doing. Probably call him crazy and tell him he was wasting his time.

"Now, I know some of your tempers are probably running a little hot right now" Hayes said "which means it's time for a nice ten mile run." He grinned at the unhappy expressions, there were times he loved his job this was one of those days."

Sam sighed, and took off; this was easy not anything John hadn't made Dean and him do anyways when they weren't busy. As he ran he took a look at his surroundings, the place looked more like a camp in the middle of the woods then any place any sane person would want to spend their time. There were three plain white dorm buildings, known as the barracks. Then there were two other white buildings, one of which was the cafeteria, the other were they would be taking classes on weaponry, and other skills that would benefit them as sailors. Sam hoped he would make it into the seals, which meant another nine months of intense boot came like training but worse.

After the run was finished and the boys damn near exhausted, they were finally allowed to return to their dorm room for a little rest time before they started their evening classes. Sam turned his back and walked slowly back towards his bunk. What he didn't see as he left and went towards his room, Drill Sargent Hayes eyes were pitch black.

Sam lay down on his bed and closed his eyes, he missed his family more than ever now, but he wasn't going to quit and crawl back to them. He had to stand on his own two feet, prove he was good enough to be called Winchester.

"I don't think D.S. Hardass likes you much, Winchester" a short, blonde haired man said as he sat down on the bed next to Sam's.

"Doesn't surprise me" Sam replied, he was tired and he somehow knew the Drill Sargent was going to keep making things tough on him, but Sam would keep putting out, he wouldn't bow under the pressure.

Dean had just finished looking for another hunt, when a strange death near Stanford University caught his attention. _Wonder if Sammy has heard about this one, might be a good time to find out._ Reaching into his pocket he grabbed his phone and dialed Sam's number. To his surprise he got the message:

"The number you have called is no longer in service if…" Dean hit end, why is Sam's phone shut off. That worried Dean, how would Sam get a hold of them if something happened. Dean decided he was going to find Sam one way or the other there would be no hiding from big brother. He looked up Stanford University's number and dialed it on his phone. Once someone answered, Dean asked if they could page Sam Winchester.

"I'm sorry sir, but we have no record of a Sam Winchester on our premises."

**Don't know if you can actually page someone at any college but for the sake of the story let's just go with it. And I talked to my brother who used to be in the navy, about the boot came, I slightly exaggerated the run , cause I wanted to make it tougher on the boys, anyways thanks for reading and reviewing. Liz**


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